I Love My Abuser.

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Lydia pushed herself away from her work table, got up and walked to window. Her office was on the fourteenth floor. As it should be expected at 5 p.m, wednesday evening, the traffic was beginning to build up in mainland street. Vehicles and pedestrians were in a mad rush to go home.

“Go home to their loved ones.” Lydia sighed, turned away from the window and went back to her seat.

“Why does Daniel treat me as a piece of rag.” She wondered out aloud and locked her ten hands and placed them on her head.

Her mind wondered to the last fight she had with Daniel. She shook her head ruefully, “Was that a fight?” She remembered she did nothing to defend herself against Daniel’s vituperation

She just sat there on the bed and said nothing as Daniel broke her bones with words. While Daniel was pouring out his frustration on her, she was wondering what she was still doing with him.

“I love him but I want to be free.” Again she shook her head regretably, “I just can’t push myself to the point where I could have walk away from the abuse he constantly puts me through.”

There was a soft knock on the door, “Who’s there?” Lydia inquired.

Kaye opened the door and stuck his head around the door, “Hi.”

“Hi. come in.” Lydia invited, straightened and forced herself to smile at Kaye. Kaye, went in and sat down on the chair opposite Lydia.

He looked at her with pity in his eyes, “You’ve been crying again?” Kaye asked.

Lydia sighed but said nothing. Kaye was a colleague, a friend and a confidant. She trusted him.

Kaye asked, “It’s him again?” She nodded in the affirmative, looked away from Kaye and fixed her gaze on her fingernails. She saw nothing. She was blinded by thick clouds of frustration in her heart.

Kaye felt genuine pity for her in his heart. In his heart, there’s genuine and deep love for her. He desperately wanted them to be more than friends. He hadn’t found the right time, space and atmosphere to tell her the love he felt for her. He knew that she was madly in love with Daniel.

Kaye felt her pains, “Daniel was the one standing between both of them and true love.” He hoped, “A miracle would happen soon.” He wasn’t to force anything. He was going to wait.

“It’s time to go home Lydia.”

“Eehn…? home? She looked up and stared blankly at Kaye.

“I said, it’s time to go home. Do you want to pass the night in the office?”

“Nope.” She got up and picked her bag.

“I’m ready Let’s go.” She said.

Kaye got up and watched her closely. He saw her faltered momentarily but steadied herself almost immediately as she rounded her work table towards him.

Kaye sprinted to the door, opened and held it for her to walk through. He closed the door behind them and walked behind her. She missed her steps again, Kaye reached out, held her by the hand and steadied her.

“Is it your house or his?” Daniel asked as they entered the elevator.

“His.” She answered, her gaze fixed on the hall indicator.

“”””

“Who was that?” Daniel barked at Lydia and startled her as she stepped into the house. She wasn’t expecting to meet him at home.

She turned and tried to hide her nervousness under a smile, “That was Kaye, my colleague in the office, have you forgotten him darling?”

“Of course, I remember him, Daniel said, still in that menacing tone. “How many times have I warned you to stay away from that guy?”

“Honey, he offered to drop me here. He’s just a colleague, that’s all. She explained, trying to remain as calm as she could and still having a warm smile on her face.

Daniel turned back to the window, is partially covered. He adjusted the window blind to cover the whole window. Lydia saw the chair by the window and realized that he waited there to see how she would come.

“Honey, don’t worry about Kaye, he…is a harmless kind-hearted man.”

Daniel put down the chair he had picked up to return to its place by the dinning table. He straightened, allowed a smile to caress his face. Lydia had come to identify that smile as a warning about a coming storm. She frooze!

“A kind hearted man, huh?” He let the words out almost in a whisper and closed the gap between both of them in few strides.

Lydia cowered, closed her eyes and raise her hands to protect her face. She felt his breath on her face. He was drunk again, she shuddered and steeled herself for the blows. Seconds, passed, nothing happened.

Daniel hissed. she opened her eyes and saw his retreating back.

“I’ve warned you several times, stay away from me” He said over his shoulder, “Or,,,” he left the word hanging in the air and picked up the chair.

“Or you will kill me one day.” Lydia said in her mind. “I wish I’d the strength to do just that.” She thought and sat down on the couch.

Daniel looked at her with contempt, hissed and went into the room.

Lydia saw the derisive look in his eyes and she heard the hiss that seemed to say, “you’re a piece of rag”. She slumped further into the couch, what Kaye told her back in the car came back to her.

“No one can take you for a ride except you hop in. And no one can pull you out of a dark hole except you give them your hand.”

She had heard Kaye clearly but didn’t pay attention to him then Her mind was desperately searching for the key to unlock Daniel’s heart and make it her home.

She had spent the past seven years of her life loving one man. “How can I walk away from those seven years and regard them as wasted years?” She asked herself.

She looked around the living room, “I pay the rent of this apartment, I bought every piece of furniture, I feed and clothe Daniel… I’ve been taking care of him for years now, should I walk away after investing my time, my money and my heart?” Her inner voices took turns to give her answers.

One mind answered, “Yes, you’d better do it now before you lose life too.” Another told her, “Stick around, he’s about to change and pay you back with true love for the rest of your life.” She agreed with the latter, but the internal monologue didn’t stop.

I only enjoyed love, care and affection from Daniel for only two years out of the seven.” She recalled sadly.

She reminisced about those years first two years. Both of them were in second year and in the same department in the university. It wasn’t love at first sight for her. She took her time to consider Daniel’s proposal. It took several weeks of unrelenting pressure from Daniel to get her to agree to a first date.

Daniel turned out to be a dependable caring friend in times of need and a source of comfort in challenging times. She was happy he was hers. And he seemed in actions and words, to be happy to have and to keep her throughout the two years they were in school. But when they left school and started job hunting, their friendship began to go south.

Daniel complained about her frequent visits, her gifts to him, her female friends…”virtually everything.” She sighed and culled up on the couch.

At first, she was irritated but became confused when Daniel’s complaining and fault finding began to be persistent. She went to seek the counsel of her maternal grandmother.

Nne, as everyone member of the family called her grandmother listened patiently. When she finished she finished sharing her heart, Nne said.

“You said he was all loving and caring until few months back?” Lydia nodded in the affirmative.

“My daughter, you said both of you are still looking for jobs. He probably hadn’t expected to be jobless till now.”

“Nne, I haven’t either. Both of us are searching harder and harder. I’ve assured him that I’m going no where, I’m sticking to him until everything is fine.”

“My grandchild, in your heart you’ve concluded that it’s him and no other man…he believes you but he is a man. He wants to make his own money and take care of his responsibilities…”

Lydia interrupted, “Nne, I use my money to cook for him and share the little allowance Dad gives me with him. What else can I do to stop his constant complaining?”

“Nothing my grandchild. Without having money of his own to take care of himself and his loved ones, his feeling of insecurity will persist. And if you should have a job before he does, I’m afraid, it may increase.”

Just as grandmother feared, Daniel’s toxic attitude worsen when she got a job before him. On few occasions he didn’t find anything to complain about, he battered her.

The first day he hit her, she didn’t want to accept it as a reality. She thought she was having a terrible nightmare which she would wake up from. But it wasn’t a nightmare…


Read full story at

I Love My Abuser.

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