A relationship is a union of two people who have come together to seek mutual benefits.
Togetherness is the underlying word here. There can’t be a quality time in the absence of togetherness. And quality time is the paramount reason for having a relationship. Because quality time is the golden opportunity to know one another better and grow stronger.
In the absence of quality time spent in the physical presence of two people in a union, a great relationship could still be built. It only takes the total commitment to follow simple ways that lead to a satisfied long distant relationship.
When these ways are followed and maintained, a long distant relationship becomes a blessing.
What are these ways?
1. Effective Communication.,
A relationship is a learning institution. Those who make their relationships what they want are never tired to ask questions and provide honest answers.
Asking why, what, how , where and who helps couple to discover the truths about one another.
These truths form the binding force that keeps two together for as long as there is consistency of transparency.
Without effective communication channels, it would not be possible to ask honest questions and get honest answers. Effctive communication is more important in a long distant as it is the only available option to maintain closeness and maintain the bond.
This is because two are out of the sight of one another, so the benefit of reading the body language, which sometimes speaks louder in a relationship, is not there.
Keep the communication channels open and increase the frequency to a reasonable extent. Over doing it could jam the communication channels and signals insecurity and lack of trust.
Set a time aside daily to share information on local events with each other. Evening, after the close of the day’s business, is ideal. Did you make a video of somewhere you went to in the day, share it with your partner. Talk about exciting events , keep the conversation as lively as you can.
Talk honestly and listen attentively too. Your spouse should also have something she may be excited to share with you. So, talk, listen and respond accordingly.
Don’t make this daily routine a lengthy one. Always keep in mind, that your partner might have had a long day and may want to retire to bed early.
2. Absolute Trust.
Have absolute trust in your partner. Be very slow to doubt, that is if you have any reason to doubt at all.
Trust is the powerful force that makes two people drop their defence in the presence of one another. In other words, trust is the key to openness in a relationship.
Trust creates the right environment for everyone to be their true selves, so if it is destroyed , a relationship loses it’s transparency. Therefore, do nothing on your part to destroy trust.
The easiest way to destroy trust in a relationship is to refuse to believe your partner’s explanation when you have a doubt. You refuse to believe despite the fact that you have no other way of establishing the veracity of claims made by both of you. Remember both of you are not in the same location. It is a long distant relationship.
You destroy trust and sow a seed of doubt in the other heart when you refuse to believe your partner’s explanation.
Your partner may begin to doubt your faithfulness to the relationship. Your sincerity and commitment to relationship would be questioned by your partner if her explanation is the truth. So trust completely. If you are not satisfied with her explanation, wait until you have an opportunity for a face to face discussion.
3. Be Honest.
If you are committed to a relationship then distant would not erode your honesty. Be honest about your feelings. This is very important.
She is not there with you to read your unspoken expression of desires and discomforts. You have to make them known through communication channels available to both of you.
There is nothing wrong in making your desire for physical intimacy known every time you have it. Don’t say, “I am overdoing this”. It is always a great opportunity to reassure one another of your unfailing love and look forward to a great time together.
It builds a wall of defence in two hearts that shuts out Intruders.
So be honest about your desires and keep the fire of love burning.
Hide nothing, share everything.
4. Be Patient.
You have to demonstrate a high level of patience when there is a lull in communication.
A lull in communication may not be what you think. It may not be an indirect way of saying, ‘Goodbye.” You partner may be outside the local network coverage area. May be on an out of primary location assignment. At such a time, there is certainly going to be an absent of communication from one end.
When this happens, don’t be hasty in your conclusion. If you were committed to the relationship, you would wait.
Okay, she should have informed you about it before going on the assignment, you may argue. What if she didn’t know about it before hand? May be , it was an escalation which needed to be taken care of urgently. So wait, at least for 48 hours. If after those hours still no information, you should find a way to find out what’s going on from a co-worker. Be patient and be calm, don’t overreact.
You may be worried the communication may not be as frequent as it used to be. She is no longer faithful to the period set aside for your daily talk time as she used to be. She seldom responds to messages. The reasons may vaty from an increase in work demand to any other pressure. Be patient until you have an opportunity to find out the truth.
Every successful relationship is rooted in truth. A long distant relationship is no ezception. So wait until you know the truth before you decide what to do.
5. Understand and Empathize.
Apart from patience , understanding is very important to the survival of a long distant relationship. Understanding is effective when you show empathy.
For you to empathize effectively, you must be selfless.
Try to wear your partner’s shoes as frequently as you can.
Empathizing would make you feel some of the discomforts and may be insecurity, that your partner may be going through on a foreign land.
Empathizing would make you more loving, more supportive, patient and understanding. Empathizing makes it easy to doubt little and trust more.
Empathizing slows down the taking hasty decisions.
6. No Hasty Decisions.
In a long distant relationship, when the unsual happens, it is very tempting to take a hasty decision. But most hasty decisions destroy relationships and lead to regrets which could have been avoided with a little patience.
Every major decision should be taken after, only after facts and truths are established. Decisions should not be based on intuitions, gossips and suspicions.
A relationship is about two people that seek companionship and still retain their right to personal happiness. Therefore, care must be taken by half of the pair not to hurt the other.
If a hasty decision is taken on the basis of untruths and suspicions , one person is going to get hurt. And both are going to lose the time, the energy and the passion invested in the relationship. Hasty decisions should be avoided.
7. Be Creative.
A long distant relationship thrives on creativity on the part of partners. Create ways to surprise your partner over the distance.
Routine calls and text messages after a period of time become monotonous, predictable and boring.
A relationship needs pleasant surprises to keep the fire of love burning.
You can’t send fresh flowers across thousands of miles, but you can create images of beautiful flowers or copy memes and send as them as picture messages instead of the usual text.
Poetry is still the language of love. You can’t a write some poems yourself but you have beautiful thoughts you want to share with your heartthrob? Get a poet to translate those beautiful thoughts into a sweet song for your lover.
Sometimes, a song in your amateurish voice recorded and sent to get your lover cracking would be cherished. After all she knows you are not a professional songstwr but rock her world.
Keep your long distant interactions as interesting and memorable as possible.
8. Learn And Help Out.
It would make your long distant partner happy, if you could learn and share with her, knowledge of people and culture of where she is. Also share breaking news and developing stories of events in her location.
Information ia power. Your partner may not have the time to acquire this knowlesge. Love places on a duty on you, to go out of your way and render this selfless service to the one you love from the bottom of your heart.
Do all you can to protect you own in a long distant relationship.
9. Personal Self-development.
A long distant relationship is a great opportunity to develop yourself and advance your career. You don’t have the distractions of the physical presence of your lover.
You have ample me-time to indulge in deep self introspection, discover and exploit more of your potential to become a better you.
The better you become at being you, the more you would be cherished by your partner.
We always want to have the best of everything, don’t we? Don’t we sometimes want to brag to our friends about the sterling qualities and big achievements of our partners? It is natural with most of us, may be done in a subtle manner by few others.
So rather than sit down and worry about who your partner may ne having a fling with, use your time to become the best of you. And place yourself in a position where almost everyone including your partner, would value you.
10. Don’t Pay A Surprise Visit.
No matter how urgent your desire is and no matter how much you worry about the health of your long distant relationship, don’t pay a surprise visit.
Not even to demonstrate the depth of your love. A surprise visit is often interpreted as a lack of trust in your disconcerted host.
Yea, your host may hide her true feelings, do her best to make you feel welcome but deep down in her heart, may be a feeling of unhappiness.
Before you visit, get a mutual consent. Visit at a time approved by both of you. A consensual visit is valued.
11. Believe In It.
Believe in your long distant relationship, be committed to it and be faithful to it. Do not allow the good times couple around you have, push you into the arms of someone around.
Every relationship, near or long distant, has it’s good and bad sides. Those who make relationships between human beings work, give light to the good sides with the perfect power of love. Love is the light that overwhelms the darkness in a relationship.
So when love leads, your long distant relationship will work.
Written By Ayi Etim.
Author of, ” Answers To Life’s Frequently Asked Questions.”